Sunday, August 31, 2008

When the Stars Go Blue

"Where do you go when you're lonely?
Where do you go when you're blue?
I'll follow you... When the stars go blue..."
-Ryan Adams, When the Stars Go Blue

OK.. the whole positive thing I kept on going about... I guess it was a whole load of crap because I am now my normal self and pessimistic as ever. It feels good being myself again! The whole optimistic thing was... different, I guess. I'm glad I did venture into that whole avenue... but I'm done venturing.

The reason I realized I was back to my pessimistic being was when I cried while watching a Private Practice episode... I admit. IT WAS PATHETIC!! I mean, who in God's name cries while watching TV? Unless the thing they are watching is sad... but what I was watching was definitely not sad! I don't even know what came over me... I was suddenly bawling about phantom pains and struggles... stuff deep, deep, DEEP down below. The ones I buried out of shame, fear and anger. The real pathetic stuff which I haven't bothered to tell anyone.

And then comes the big question: WHY?????
Answer: Hell if I know. Maybe because... I needed to believe I could get over it. But I never did. And the pile keeps growing. Damn...

I even felt lonely... a tiny bit of loneliness mixed with all that regret. I'm not gonna tell you why...I don't love you people that much... ;) KIDDING!

I'll be fine... I'll venture out of this place one time or another.. :D


david santos said...


*~*Ryn*~* said...

thanks! nice to know at least someone's reading my blog.. :D