Oops-a-daisy

I am a klutz... and I am clumsy. Not at home though. In public, which makes it all the more mortifying. I know you're just going to say that it happens to everyone and all that.

Okay, here's what happened.

Scenario 1 (although they shouldn't really be called scenarios since they are real, but whatever):

I fell down some stairs. Yes, I know, people who have stairs in their homes usually fall down them once or twice. But, errm, you see, this was NOT at home. It was a bookshop. You know, ones which are all full of people and those book nerds (don't worry, I'm one too) are so silent that you can hear a freaking pin drop in there.

Imagine how it much sound would be created when someone falls down the stairs. Not only did I fall, but I managed to roll (sort of) right down to the bottom. Seriously, my legs and feet were made of jelly, I think. No worries though, I got right back up without a moment's hesitation as soon as I got to the bottom. I think I was too shaken to even bother to turn red like a beetroot.

Scenario 2:

I fell inside a chair. INSIDE. HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? huh? huh? And this wasn't at home either. It was at a party; a loud, social gathering where you could possibly die of oxygen deprivation because too many people are squished together into one building and you're almost blinded by the crazy lights which make you look like some weirdo in the photos. This said party apparently has broken furniture.

So, there I was all dressed up and pretty; smiling my fake smile at people I didn't know and laughing at jokes which were not funny (at all, seriously). I got tired of standing around so I found a chair and sat down. BAD IDEA! I fell right through. I wonder how I must have looked with my bum through a chair... *pictures it* Yeah, I might have to avoid those people for another year or so, at least until it blows of.

If a carpenter or any other chair-making person was around I would have grabbed him/her, given a big lecture about how furniture is supposed to make life comfortable and not have their social life stunted and then banged his/her head against the infernal chair and killed him/her.


Those are the reasons why I have recently decided never to leave the four walls of my bedroom and hide under the cozy folds of my quilt. It's quite lovely under there. There are no stairs or chairs to ruin a person's reputation.